When we did it I told Brad it was my first time, but mostly because most guys can’t go long enough for it to feel good, and thus far Brad hadn’t proved himself with much staying power. I just didn’t want to. I tried to remember what my face was supposed to like while it was in excruciating pain when I climbed on top of him and slowly sat down on it. I was grateful for the darkness since acting had never been my strongest quality, which is ironic since evidently lying was. I put it in slowly, let out a slow low scream, and shut my eyes tight before I got up quickly, laid back down next to him, and asked him if he would be okay with my doing it later after smoking a bowl or something. He gently kissed me on the neck, which I had told him countless times I hated, and said that he wanted me to be fully aware of what was happening; that it wouldn’t hurt so much after a while. I love it when guys use lines on other guys, as if they don’t understand it’s one big dance that always ends the same. You want to tell him that you don’t have to be talked into fucking, that you had decided that the minute you looked into his eyes, as you had so many times before with so many different eyes.
I rented my first time; it was fifty bucks. I probably could have gotten it for a whole lot less (if not outright gotten the guy to pay me), because it was obvious he was totally into me the minute he got into my dad’s Porsche. I had just dropped off Barbara (I forgot her last name); she was this fat chick I would go see movies with, whom everyone thought was my girlfriend … including her. I never understood that because if I were straight, I could have done way better. I never asked the guy for his name, and he was heavier than he looked standing on the corner two blocks south of Santa Monica and Highland in front of this used car lot. I had driven passed him like fifty times before I finally stopped and opened my window, so you would have thought I’d have gotten a better look, but that fucking Porsche rides so low, and you can barely see out the side windows at night.
I rented a room at the Sleepy Time Motor Lodge on Vine. I had him wait outside while I went into the office to get the key. I was worried that he would stink up the car if he stayed in there too long. He began tearing off my clothes the minute the door to the room closed. I was reluctant to tear off his, but it didn’t take him long to unbutton his shirt and reveal his soft hairy chest with matching belly. I was glad I swiped those Vicoden from my mom, and smoked a bowl before I actually picked him up because I don’t think I could have gone through with it without them. No wait, I actually fucked him that night, he didn’t fuck me. I wore this thick Trojan condom that I picked up weeks before at the health center at school, and turned him over, so that I couldn’t actually see him, and fucked the shit of him. It took me forever to climax since I had jerked off three times that day, and the rubber didn’t help. He told me I didn’t have to wear one, but I did anyways. He gave me crabs, and spent the entire next week in the pool trying to drown the fuckers. That doesn’t work.
My actual first time was with this guy, Scott, who I met at in the parking lot of a bookstore on Santa Monica after buying my first porn video. I was so scared that I bought the first one that I saw (and it sucked), and while walking out to my car, I saw this gorgeous guy. He was shorter than me, but not by much, and he had a killer smile. He asked me some lame question about the weather, and bummed a smoke off of me. I remember how much I didn’t mind him asking me for a cigarette when it used to piss me off like you wouldn’t believe if anyone else did. He asked me if I wanted to go to this bar with him up the street, and let him buy me a beer, and I told him that I was eighteen, so couldn’t get in. He offered to take him to his house instead, and asked me if it were okay that he was thirty-five. I told him that if you’re hot it doesn’t matter how old you are. I felt cheesy for saying it, but it felt right.
He had this killer San Simeon grass that we smoked before he pounced on me and we started kissing. I had never kissed anyone before, and it put me in a weakened state. The combination of this fucking excellent pot, his underwear model body (even with my five days a week of forced servitude at the pool I looked like a fourteen year old boy next to this guy), and the fact that he was all over me, made me believe, for that moment in time, that he was in love with me, and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t let him do. We twisted around in various positions before we ended up with the back of my ankles on his shoulders. It was masterful. He was kissing me deeply, looking into my eyes and when he asked if it was okay if he pushed it in, there was nothing more I wanted. I let out a low scream, and he grabbed hold of my hand, intertwined his fingers in mine, and held it tight, while he dove and kissed me deeper. The pain was excruciating, and he weighed so much I felt trapped and totally under his control. I wanted to cry the entire time, and wished for him to cum so that he would stop. He kept asking me if I were okay, but the touch of his hand on my face, and the feeling of him inside of me somehow made up for the pain, and I told him I was fine; to keep going. Afterwards I took this dump that hurt like hell, and when I got out he was still naked, smiling. I was wearing a towel. He asked me if I was really eighteen, and under my breath I told him I was sixteen. I never saw him again.
“Come on, everyone has to have a first time, man … do you want to die a virgin?” Brad said smiling so brightly I could see it in the dark, running two fingers down my arm. “I’m kind of jealous of you actually …”
I laid up in bed, and asked him why.
“Your first time gets to be with someone you … at least care about. Mine was just with some guy whose name I can’t even remember.”
I paused for a second, tried to remember if I had forgotten his last name, or if I just never knew it, and got back on top of him before the condom could soften his erection. I let out a low scream, closed my eyes tight, and lowered myself slowly hoping he wouldn’t realize that he was going in way too easy.
